moved from another site, for privacy. "this site" referenced in post 2 is that site. i will not give the name. hopefully no one wayback machined this though. like it won't be the end of the world but it would be embarrassing
post 1. 12/03/2022. i have to write an essay. there's no way i'm going to pass this class anyway even if i do everything perfectly now i don't think. but i have to write the essay because my mother won't let me quit. she'll be embarrased if i do. can't have that. my birthday is in 2 days. i dont know how i got this far and i dont know if i want to go farther. i'm going to die anyway. theres no way i'm going to make it any farther if this is how i'm going to be forever. theres no room for useless people in the real world. i should delete this eventually. i had plans for this website. i wanted to make it nice and pretty and have a cool layout and different pages for different things. but i wasted my time and now all i can do is put in unstyled text in paragraph tags because thats all i really know how to do or have time to. i'm going to die here
2. 12/15/22. i never did end up writing that essay. i failed that class and i'm gonna have to retake it but honestly i dont think i can care anymore. today's my 8 month anniversary with my partner L. i should be happy but all i can think about is that i'm probably never gonna get away from my family and i'm never going to be able to see them in person. i think theres something very wrong with me. normal people don't fantasize about being doxxed or kidnapped or abused or assaulted or specifically today, being taken away to "wilderness therapy" (camp for kids with parents who want them dead) and nearly dying or even just straight up killing myself. or being killed. im not picky. i cant believe this is what has become of my plan for this site. i had such good ideas i was so excited and now i just use it to post the shit that i can't bring myself to say to my loved ones. what did i expect really ? i miss them.
01/01/23. happy new year ! nothing devastating has happened i dont think. if it has, i forgot to update the site in the moment and now i've forgotten. wouldn't put it past myself honestly ! i still fantasize about killing myself sometimes. i wonder if i'm bipolar. i should look that up. i came on here to say that the internet is really cool. i dug around on deviantart out of curiosity to see if i could find the old colored pencil my little pony comic that i read all in one night when i was little still using an ipod touch (like the original, heavy silver one, not the more modern one), and after a few searches i did find it ! im not gonna go into detail about the subject matter further because it's embarrasing, but its neat that i managed to find it and it's still there, and not a hallucination or mandela effect from my childhood. i should rename or move this site, probably. my friends could find it easily if they looked up my name on neocities, it's currently under the online alias i make all of my usernames. this is meant to be private.